Mafia

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls for his
grandson to approach the bed;

"Lissin' a me. I wanna for you to taka my
chrome-plated 38-caliber revolver, so you will always
remember me."

The grandson smiles weakly and replies; "But grandpa,
I really donna a lika guns. Howzabout you leava me
you a ROLEXa watch inastead?"

Gasping for air the old man answers with a snarl in
his voice; "Shuddup an a lissin'. Somma day, you
gonna runna da business You gonna have a beautifula
wife, lotsa money, a biga home, and maybe a coupla
bambinos."

After a slight pause to catch his breath he continues;
"Somma day, you gonna comma home, and maybe find you
wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do
the guy? ... pointa to you watch and say "Times up"?"

Replacement Windows

Dear Jack,

Re: Replacement Windows

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane energy-efficient kind.

Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I had not paid for them yet.

Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year...namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooooo'? (I told him). It's been a year'!

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up....

He hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me.

Bet he won't underestimate a blonde anymore.