Salary increase request

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

1- I do physical labor.
2- I work at great depths.
3-I plunge head first into everything I do.
4- I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5- I work in a damp environment.
6- I don't get paid overtime.
7- I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
8- I work in high temperatures.
9- My work exposes me to contagious diseases.


Dear Penis,

After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

1- You cannot work 8 hours straight.
2- You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
3- You rarely follow the orders of the management team.
4- You do not stay in your designated work area and are often seen visiting
other locations.
5- You do not take initiative. You need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.
6- You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7- You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective gear.
8- You will retire well before you are 65.
9- You are unable to work double shifts.
10- More often than not, you leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
11- If the ten reasons listed above are not enough, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely, The Management